Most mothers want to be the first to hold their baby after carrying them for nine months within their bodies and going through the arduous labor procedure. That is why this father allowed the rest of his family to hold his baby until his wife was ready. This made some members of the family quite unhappy. He decided to post a question on the popular Reddit topic Am I The Asshole? to see if he did the correct thing.
Every mother remembers the joy of holding their new baby for the first time. It’s incredibly special after waiting nine months to meet them and going through the frequently tough delivering process. This new dad’s wife, on the other hand, had a tough pregnancy, and they knew the birth would be challenging as well. His wife expressed her sadness to him before giving delivery, knowing she would be the last to hold their infant boy. The husband took steps to ensure that this was not the case: he refused to let anybody else hold his kid until she had.
“We’d been talking about it for a while, and she admitted she despised the idea of being the last to hold our son. So when he was born and she was still unconscious, I wouldn’t let anyone from our families hold him or even greet him,” he stated on Reddit. “She was unconscious for four days but recovered and was able to meet and hold our son. It was about a day after everyone else had their first chance to meet and hold him.”
He went on to say that while both of their families were outraged, his mother and sister were the only ones who were adamant about it.
In November of this year, his wife gave birth to their first child. Despite the fact that the family did not appreciate being told they would have to wait to see the newest member, nothing catastrophic occurred at the time. Then, in January, his wife shared images of her first time holding their son on social media. She spoke about how frightening the experience was, how risky pregnancy and delivery can be, and how grateful she was that they were both fine in her piece. The pushback began at that point.
“My mother and sister then began acting like children.” He explained, “We robbed them of those first few days with their grandson/nephew by saying it wasn’t fair.” “I reminded them that many people meet their grandchildren and nieces/nephews days, weeks, or months after birth, and that this would not have happened in Covid times for a long period.” But they felt I was selfish for doing so because my wife couldn’t meet or hug our baby.”
Some members of the family, as well as a few others, believed he “robbed” his kid of early contacts and that it was selfish of him to deny his son additional time with those who cared about him.
As you might expect, he was overwhelmingly elected NTA (not the asshole) by the forum participants. They almost unanimously agreed that his wife should be the first person outside of him to hold their son. This is especially true given her prior expressions of regret at not being that person.
“OP’s wife carried that baby for nine months and gave birth in hell; she earned the right to embrace him before anyone else who didn’t help produce him.” One commenter wrote, “MIl and SIL are selfish, entitled AHs to think or say otherwise.”
“I can’t believe this is a serious problem that someone has to face.”
Let me clarify something. You read my wife’s blog article about how tough, frightening, and traumatic her labor and delivery were, and it reminded you of how unfair it was that you didn’t get to touch him straight immediately. ‘How about we both look up the word selfish together?’ wrote another.
Another commentator highlighted the fact that some people believed it was harmful to the child that fewer people held him during his first four days of existence.
“OP, did you hold the infant for the first four days?” They simply mean “more random family members should have passed the infant around,” not “why did you make that poor baby cry in the cot all alone?” by “more interaction.” They’re completely insane if they only wanted to play Pass The Baby. [Editor’s note: The OP has subsequently confirmed that he was, in fact, cradling the baby.]
How do they think they have a leg to stand on, especially now with Covid? During the pandemic, my baby was born prematurely. Only half of the family has ever seen him up close, and only three of them have ever held him.
Tiny babies are often overwhelmed, and moving them from person to person as though they needed more “contact” is selfish and counterproductive to your newborn’s needs!
Thank you for remembering to save those special times for your wife. Don’t pay attention to the whiners.” they penned.
“Whoever claims that OP denied their son early interaction conveniently ignores the reality that an infant won’t remember anything.” We parents (and other family members) want to think we’re “imprinting” on our children, but this isn’t true. “Congratulations on standing up for your wife and her child, OP.” Another was written.
Many people, particularly moms, complimented him for honoring his wife’s wishes. They all agreed that this is a significant occasion for a mother. She was the only one who deserved it more than anyone else.
“On behalf of women and anyone giving birth, THANK YOU for what you did—you prioritized your partner’s wants above all else.” You performed a fantastic job! I’m overjoyed that this moment was not stolen from you or otherwise ruined. Others are incredibly self-centered and entitled. They have no legal right to hold that infant, and you should be proud of yourself for putting them in their place. You’re the parents, and what you say is definitive. They can all go eat an egg. NTA 1000x.” remarked one.
“With her first child, a good friend had to have an emergency c section. Her mother-in-law was simply too enthusiastic for her first grandchild to wait to visit the hospital as she had been instructed. She arrived and was the second person to hold the baby after Dad. My buddy was heartbroken since other people had already held and met her kid. It also harmed my connection with my mother-in-law. Years later, the fact that someone else held her baby before she did worried and pained her. OP, you made the correct decision. a hundred percent Remind your mother and sister that this is NOT THEIR CHILD, and that his mother comes first.” another recalled.